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Maybe it's the damned Yule Log show that on Christmas Eve, where Christmas music plays in the background to a video feed of a fireplace. |
When I was little and spent Christmas Eve at my maternal grandmother's house, my family would sit around the TV in the living room and watch it despite the fact that there was a real live artificial fireplace on the other side of the room.
Being the articulate lad with an ever-restless mind that I was, I found this particular form of "entertainment" boring to say the least.
Pointing to a row of Christmas albums on the shelf and the faux fireplace across the room, I reasoned that watching that damned stupid program was, at best, quite banal. I didn't quite use those words, but you get the point.
Rather than reasoning with me, they did what all adults do at Christmas time to shut kids up: they mention Santa Claus.
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My Uncle explained that Santa Claus would only come if I had seen enough of the Yule Log show. If I hadn't seen enough, he wouldn't come no matter how good I was. I was quick to mention that not all kids everywhere had a television and that seemed hardly fair. |
He countered with a quick, "Well, kids who are lucky enough to have TV's have to do more to make up for all the poor kids out there."
| With that, my philosophical inquiry had stopped. Well, outwardly anyway. As I sat there watching the cathode ray based fireplace, the thoughts were still streaming through my head. |
Good God!The Yule Log Lives Online. |
As the evening wore on, I also learned that complaining about the show only detracted from my "accredited time" and may jeopardize Santa's arrival.
So I sat there, watching the damned Yule Log. Watching it burn, watching it burn, and, you guessed it, watching it burn.
After a few minutes, I discovered that, despite the fire, the log was not burning up.
Logically one would think that it was either a fake fireplace or a film loop. As it turns out, it was a magical fireplace, where wood never burns. Further questions were averted once again by mentioning Santa Claus.
As a matter of fact, by the end of our visit with my grandmother, I had become paranoid, scared shitless in fact, about not being visited by Santa Claus.
Had I watched enough? What if he saw me in the car, instead of watching the Yule Log? What if my incessant questioning had negated the time I spent in front of that freakin' Magical Yule Log? Why do they call it a Yule Log anyway? Who the Hell is Yule? Yule Brenner?
As you can see, I still ask a lot of questions.
But I can tell you this much. I don't watch that damned Yule Log show anymore.
Happy Holidays,
Herzliche Gruesze Nite Train.
PS As it turned out, Santa did visit that year and brought a whole boat load of Star Wars toys.