Because 20% Less Spice
Is 20% Less Merchandise.

Some believe that Marilyn was actually a founding member of the Spice Girls.

Oddly enough, the Official Marilyn Manson site makes no mention of this.

Marylin Manson

Demented Spice

Musician?
Anti-Christ?
Weirdo.

Marilyn would certainly extend the Spice Girls marketing reach to the disgruntled & disenfranchised youth of America.

Somehow, I don't think the Demented Spice dress up doll would sell well.

Certainly the sales of the Beanie Baby would be lackluster. [Although, you never know... -Ed]

Ina resting between takes on the set of her new film:
The S-Files: Bite the Future

You can sample some of Ina's vocal talents for yourself on her personal web site.

Ina the Standard Schnauzer

Schnauzer Spice
Not to be confused with Schnauzer Space.

Canine American
Companion Animal

Ina would turn millions of Canine-Americans into Spice Girls fans overnight.

The dog's talent would quickly overshadow that of the other Spice Girls.

Puffy after after he gave his deposition to Ken Starr.

This could mean mo' money and mo' problems for Puffy.

Puff Daddy

Puffy Spice

Rap Musician &
Music Producer

Puff Daddy, a long time manager in the music biz, could serve double duty as the Spice Girls' manager and as a member.

Studies show that there is a finite number of 1980's pop hits left for Puffy to sample.

Can anyone spell his name?

One can't help but wonder how creatively he could work his manifesto into the lyrics of the Spice Girls' light and fluffy pop songs.

Ted Kaczynsky
aka the UnaBomber

Una-Spice

Mathemetican,
Mountain Man &
Federal Prisoner

With a brilliant mind for advanced mathematics and do-it-yourselfer work ethic, Ted could give the Spice Girls' music a more intellectual spin. And reserve a space into the hallowed halls of Academe.

Currently, serving a jail sentence. By the time he gets out, the Spice Girls' will be doing guest spots on MTV's "Remember the 90's?!"

"It's the 18 hour bra!"
Look at those nice, sharp teeth!

Even though, MSG no longers employs Marv, his bio is still listed on their site. Although, it takes up two pages, there are some obvious omissions.

Marv Albert
aka the UnaBiter

Kinky Spice

Sportscaster,
Sex Fiend &
Tabloid Poster Boy

The Spice Girls are no strangers to controversy. One of them pinched the buttochs of Prince Charles.

Marv will fit right in.

Also, they could all share clothes and undergarments.

Bites when cornered or in a hotel room with other females.

The Yearbook photo that she'll never live down.

Several issues ago, we plotted a career path for Monica. This was something unforeseen, but nonetheless an excellent career move for our favorite harlot.

We think Monica will succeed wherever she goes. [ In fact we are certain she will. -Ed] Butwe hope she'll take a position at Microsoft.

Monica Lewinsky
aka the UnaSucker

Intern Spice
Slutty Spice
Fellatio Spice

Former White House Intern & Presidential Plaything

Talk about Girl Power.
Monica claims to have had relations with the leader of the Free World.

Also, she's a hard worker.
She doesn't mind getting down on her knees and making sure the job gets done.

Critics who claim the Spice Girls' music sucks will have a whole new arsenal of jokes and wisecracks.

Her talents would go unapreciated in an all-girl band, save for a possible appearance on the Howard Stern Show.