The Art of Prank Calls: http://www.franksworld.com/pranks/
**********************************************************

[These ideas are for humor only. Any implementation of them is your sole
responsibility. Some of them push or cross legal limits. -Nate the PC]

The list of pranks is listed in order that I receive them, with the newest
pranks at the top. I put pretty much anything I get sent in this file, funny or
stupid. Send ideas to nc@usa.net.

########################################################################

Condom Delivery 

From: Michelle Curiel <m.g.curiel@usa.net>

I live in Los Angeles, California, and I wish I could make prank calls like
that, but now they have it so that if you call they got your phone # and they'll
call you back. I used to prank call all the time with my friends.

Once ( a long time ago) we called a 7-11 and asked them to deliver condoms,
around 2 in the morning, and the man kept saying they don't deliver, and we were
saying that didn't he believe in safe sex, and that if we went down there it
would ruin the mood.

########################################################################

From: Jay aka Edgar <beats me>

Wound Care Center

I called the Wound Care Center and heres what I did:
(Before calling I made a Prerecording of farting sounds)

w=center
m=me

w-Wound care center how may i help you?
m-hi my name is Edgar and I have this terrible prob**fart noise**
m-Sorry my problem is that I get gas at the most**fart noise**weirdest 
  times**fart noise**
w-O I see and would u like to make an **fart noise**(pause from center)
w-.........appointment
m-oh yes please could we do it on**fart noise**tuesday**fart noise**
w-this isnt a joke is it??
m-no**fart noise**mame I really have a bad problem**really long fart 
  noise**
(I try to contain myself from laughing)
w-ok so tues**fart noise**
(center hangs up)

That was the coolest prank I've ever done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

########################################################################

From: Mike Martinez <mik66@juno.com>

Telethon Prank

A good prank call that we recorded:
"Hello, PBS fundraiser"
"Uh yeah I'd like to donate one hundred thousand dollars."
"A hundred thousand dollars???"
"Yeah."
"Oh okay... and what is your name sir?"
*pause*
"Uhhh, I forgot... let me go check *click*"

########################################################################

From: Mike Martinez <mik66@juno.com>

You're pushing your luck if you do shit like this, but hey

Another good prank we did was to call up the cops quacking like a duck like the
guy in The New York Ripper. We didnt get to record it though.

"Hello, Police department."
"Quack quack.. Is leutenant Williams there?"
"What"
"Is Leutenant Williams There?  Quack quack quack!"
"Who?"
"Leutenant Williams?"
"one moment please..."
"Williams speaking.."
"quack quack quack, poor dumb cops."
"what are you saying?"
"quack quack.. You'll never catch me coppers!  I did it again."
"did what?.. what are you talking about???"
"Oh she was beautiful, quack quack quack, but you'll never find her, 
you're too stupid copper!"
By then I was cracking up to much to continue and I hung up.

########################################################################

From: James fulton <Fulcon@shaw.wave.ca>

Anti-Barney Association

One prank that I use is: "hello I am from the ways to kill barney
or Anti-Barney Association. If you name the way to kill barney that
I am thinking about then you win $1,000,000 so what is your answer...
Sorry you were wrong, I was thinking the way tell Michal Jackson that
There is a little boy under the costume ...Goodday."

########################################################################

From: Diane Gabbara <OCSTFreek@yahoo.com>

Can I help you?

Ok,  you call someone and if they say, "Can I help you?"
You scream,  "NO!! YOU CAN'T!! YOU'RE A FAILURE!!!" and hang up.
The end.

########################################################################

From: Don't hve one

It's amazing how creative people are with pranks these days

Y=you  D= the dork on the other line

  Y:Hi,is (just make up a name)
  D:I'm sorry (name) doesn't live
  Y:Do you know when he will be home
  D:(name) doesn't live here!
  Y:Well could you have him/her call me back when he gets home
  D:O.K.?$%#!@*&^}{* (they might start cussing you out or something)

########################################################################

From: Brent <brento@rain.org>

The boss is never wrong

This is a funny prank call that my friend did while i listened.

F= My Friend
L= The lady we called

F:Hello the boss wants to see you right now!
L:What i dont have a boss...
F:dont kid with me the boss would like you to come in now!
L:I dont know what your talking about...
F:What the HELL is wrong with you! Do i have to come down there and dragg you
down here?!!??
L:You must have the wrong #.
F:I dont think so the BOSS is never wrong
L:well he must have given you the wrong #
F:BUT THE BOSS IS NEVER WRONG!
L:WELL HE IS THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Click)

########################################################################

From: Anonymous

Wrong Number

Me: Hi, is Tom there
Them: Sorry, you must have the wrong number
Me: Do you know Tom?
Them: leave me alone, goodbye.
Me: Could I interest you in some red flowers then.
Them: GOODBYE!!!
Me: Is Tom there then?

Keep on going on. (if you just get a answering machine, just ask for tom
to call you back).

########################################################################

From: nick cristoforo and isaih watts <NCKSW0RLD@aol.com>

Favorite Uncle

Alright here's what you do call someone collect from like a million
miles away and when it asks for your name say "ITS YOUR FAVORITE UNCLE"
(they usually accept the call) then just try to keep them on the line as
long as possible you think of the rest.

########################################################################

From: Scottrc23@aol.com

Year's Supply of Old Spice

I want to say a few things. This page kicks ass. I'm sending six bucks
and a tape. I have a good prank, too. Talking like a recording "Hello,
and congadulations. You have won the Old Spice Challenge. You will
recieve a years supply of Old Spice, or a pair of flippers..." Its funny
to hear the reactions.

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From: ma bell <zzaj@aol.com>

The 800 Game

A fave pastime of mine is playing the "800 game." This is where you
generally are very bored late at night and begin randomly dialing 800
numbers, especially using seven-letter phrases (ex: 1-800-god-damn). It
takes a while to find a good number sometimes, but then the object is to
just keep whoever answers on the line as long as possible. Try it --
it's free!

########################################################################

From: Martin Blake <mcblake@indigo.ie>

Prison locksmith call

Call a locksmith and ask do they come out cause you are locked in.

They say yes and ask for your details. You then give your name as some
famous homicidal maniac axe murderer (US prisons are full of these, We
used a well known IRA terrorist here) and give your address as cell69
block 6a Mountjoy Prison or whatever prison you have there.

You then explain how you've beem locked up for so long what you did and
that you think it's about time to get out of prison.

########################################################################

From: Chochi <assily@gte.net>

Call to Veteranarian's office:

I wanna let you in on a GREAT call I did a few days ago, but wasnt able
to record:

Character: Mortimer Hanley (voice similar to Sol Rosenburg)

went a little something like this:

Mortimer: Hello, may i speak to you of a little problem I have?

Vet: Why yes, I'd be happy to help you.

M: Well, I have been having a medical problem recently. I have these 
   awful warts, they wont go away. I have been to a few doctors, they 
   say that they have no treatment, however, that is is very similar to 
   warts that certain dogs get. They told me to get treatment from an 
   animal hospital.

V: What?!

M: Yes, I know it's odd, but these are awful. My doctor said to come to 
   you guys and get some medication.

V: Well, we cant do that sir. We can only treat animals.

M: Oh, well I was wondering if i could you know, they dont have any
   treatment for these awful warts.

V: Well, I mean, am I on Candid Camera or something?! I mean, is this
   serious?!

M: Yes!

(and so forth)

V: We cannot administer to humans.

M: Do you know any distributors where I could get this treatment>

V: No, I'm sorry.

M: Ok, thank you very much. Bye.

V: Goodbye.

It was great!

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From: <Mr Chops9@aol.com>

Pizza prank!

Call any home phone number in the phone book and say:
"Hello, this is Dan Sanders from pizza hut and I just called to tell you
that dispite the slight delay, your order of two deep dish cheese pizzas
are on there way."
Keep playing along.
Most couples will immediately shout, "Honey, did you order a pizza?" It
is a great starting call.

########################################################################

From: <Mr Chops9@aol.com>

I'm a Salesman!

Call any home phone number and say the following:
"Hello, is this ____? (Wait for reply.) This is Dan Sanders from Karate
U.S.A. We were wondering if you would consider signing up for our
intoductory, $6.00, family Karate lesson."
Just play along. This is a great beginning prank.  

########################################################################

From: <Mr Chops9@aol.com>

You won!!!

Phone any home phone number and say:
"Hello, is this the ____ residence? This is Dan Sanders from the [your
city] Free Lottery, and you won the [your city] Free Lottery jackpot
prize of 6 million dollars."
Most people will not jump up and shout, but there are those rare
occasions, producing true joy in the prank's heart.

########################################################################

From: Chris <Chrisdabomb@hotmail.com>

When you are having a big party

Find a number in the phone book and call it when they answer ask if (any
name will do but for right now we will use Jon Doe) Jon Doe is there then
when they tell you that he isn't there ask if you can leave a message or
just hand up then like 10 minutes later do the same thing and do this
over and over for the whole party then right before the party ends call
up and say this is Jon Doe are there any messages for me.

########################################################################

From: Greg Hansen <bogue@aros.net>

if you have 3-way or two lines w/confrance you can do this prank

You can use any store but i like to use Seven Eleven what you do is call
one 7 11 on one line then hurry and switch to the other line and call
another one then conf. them and listen they usualy answer at the same
time and they both say Seven Eleven then they say what do you want, what
do i want you called me.

Then they usualy get in a fight or something.
This prank is the funniest thing in the world. 

I HAVE GONE THROUGH THE ENTIRE PHONE BOOK AND CALLED ALMOST EVERY GAS
STATION IN MY CITY

[The 7-11 prank is funny.. it has unlimited potential with creating
different store rivalries, etc, and livening up a boring day behind the
register. Have you actually done it? -PC]

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From: "T.W." <felbel@mb.sympatico.ca>

Call anyone

Person being called : Hello?

Caller : Hi , I'm your neighbor from down the street and I have a
         problem

Person being called : Oh?

Caller : My cordless phone fell down the stairs and broke into a million
         pieces

Person being called : Oh No!

Caller : Yeah , so I was wondering if I could come over and use your
         phone!

From there on you can make up your own!!!!!

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From: "T.W." <felbel@mb.sympatico.ca>

For this one you need to do a really phony accent

You have to pretent you are interested in offering your survices as a
baby sitter!

Caller : Hi , I would like to know if you have children under age 10 to
         babysit

Called : Oh

Caller : (PUT DOWN PHONE) Get back in your cage!!!!!

########################################################################

From: Andy B <abostrom2@kanga.pvhs.chico.k12.ca.us>

Telephone line prank

I have a cool prank "you call any # and say hello this is the PG&E
company and we have a man on the telephone line at this time so please
dont pick up your phone for the next ten minutes thanks"then call
back"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" (you scream in the phone and they freak
out like they got electricuted) hehehehehe

########################################################################

From: Tanner Morrow <playmart@som-uky.campus.mci.net>

Phone line prank

I have a prank but not recorded. I called the first number I picked out
of the phone book and said, "Hello, yes this is Thomas Williams, with
your local phone company, and we've been having real problems with our
phone system lately, and what we are about to do is very dangerous and
fatal, in the next three hours, we will be calling your house, but, I
tell you this, do not answer or the person calling your house will be
shocked to death. She said "ok", so about 15 minutes later I called her
and she answered and I screamed a deadly scream and she fainted!!!

########################################################################

From: Devin Douthit <Douthit@wtp.net>

Pizza man getting robbed

I am a sophmore in high school. One of my pranks is where I call up
people and pretend to be Pizza hut confirming an order.
You are probably thinking that has been done to death, but here is where
I change it up. After they say they didn't order a pizza, I make them
think that the pizza hut is getting robbed. (As unbelievable as that
is.) I  scream into the phone and yell and say "take everything man" in
the background.

########################################################################

[Damn, this shit is too mean... -PC]

From: Jon Smith <jonsmith@intersearchcorp.com>

Convience Store Robbery

This is a call a few of my friends made.  I had nothing to do with it.  

The names are fake.

Okay, imagine a convience store across the street directly facing a gas
station. Actually they made this call several miles away on a speaker
phone. 

Jon: Hello, are you the manager and if so what is your name?

Manager: Yes, my name is Kathy. 

Jon: Okay listen very carefully.  I am sitting in a car in the gas
     station with a loaded assault rifle and it is pointed at the
     cashier.  If you do not do exactly as I say, I will open fire.   

Kathy: Okay! Okay! Don't hurt anybody. (She starts freaking)

Jon: If you don't shut the fuck up then someone will get hurt!!! Got
     it!!!!

Kathy: Okay.  

Jon: Here is what I want you to do.  I want you to do me a little
     grocery order and then place the bag outside the back door.  Got
     it?  

Kathy: Yes. (Trying not to cry) 

Jon: I want first, a stick of butter, a car air freshener, a stick of
     deodorant, a gallon of chocolate milk, a lemon ice gatorade, and a 
     pack of cigarettes. I have a friend waiting out back waiting to 
     pick it up.

Kathy: Okay, I'll get it.

Jon: One more thing, if you even attempt to call the cops, I will open
     fire.

Kathy: I'm going. (fills the order and places it out back)

Kathy: I'm back.  Your food is out back.

Jon: Kathy, do you know what a polygraph is?
     (the person who made this call is really talking out his ass now)

Kathy: No.

Jon: Stupid fucker!!! It is a lie detector and right now it is
     registering off the charts.  You are lying.

Tim: Kill her.

Kathy: No No!!! (bawling)  I am not lying.

Jon: Kathy, you must have called the cops. 

Tim: Jon, kill her.

Kathy: NOOOOOO!!!!

Jon: Now she is telling the truth so what the hell.  Tim fire.

Tim: Counting down.... 5...4...3...2

Kathy: Please!!!!!!

Tim: 1

Everyone listening: BANG!!!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Kathy: You stupid fuckers!!!!


From what I heard, they were laughing for two days. 

Disclaimer: I had nothing to do with this.  I wasn't there.  I just
heard about it in stories.  

########################################################################

From: "B. Perry" <kayvon@hotmail.com>


Call up a restaurant & ask if they have a buffet. When they don't,
insist on getting one TO GO (insist that it's different). When they
"convince" you otherwise, try to get it delivered, instead. In the 
end, get mad & demand a discount. :)

########################################################################

From: John Doe <yehti13@rconnect.com>




I got a really good one that works almost every time, here it is:
Hello random caller!  This is (radio station) if you can name the phrase
that
pays here at (radio station) you will win tickets to the Fleetwood Mac
concert
and an all expenses paid 5-night stay at the always beutiful and lush
City-
scape hotel, Your on the air, what is the phrase that pays? 
(1-Congradulations
that is the phrase that pays here at (radio station) you can certify and
learn how
to claim your prize by calling 1-800-SUCKER thanks for playing.) (2-I'm
sorry
that is not the phrase that pays here at (radio station) thanks for
playing.)


########################################################################

[Note: 1-800-FLOWERS has a lot of phone security because of shit like
this. -PC]

From: John Doe <yehti13@rconnect.com>

Florist prank

Hey I got a prank, it's really funny, I tried it before.

Them: Hell this is 1-800-FLOWERS how may I help you?

You: Well I would like to get my wife some flower cause she wont give me
     any.

Them: Give you any what?

You: You know she wont give me any sexual attention and I want to give
     her some flowers and be sweet so I can get some I am willing to buy
     lots of flowers or roses or whatever you got, I want the most 
     expensive kind.

Them: Well we have blah blah.

You: That will do fine thank you.

Them: Well how many of them do you want.

You: All of them.

Them: I am sorry sir but you are going to have to specify how many blah
      blahs you want.

You: Give me two.

Them: Um.....(they might stay on the line after this) well sir alright
      that so and so dollars.

You: What that much listen I only got a couple of bucks what can I get
     for that because my wife dont make that much money, but I dont 
     work, so I dont have that much either.

Them: Blah blah (Its originality from here use your imagination its
kinda lame)

########################################################################

From: Darren Scott <dodger@ccsi.com>

Glass Company

My friend and I (before prank calling was "cool") often enjoyed (and
still do) going on 3-way calls and making prank calls.  We usually
record them, but only to tape.  For sheer laziness, and because most of
our tape aren't remotely audible, I thought I'd tell you about a recent
prank I did. There are only snippets because I can't remember all of the
call, and most of the tape was not audible.  Here goes:

Calling Ace Glass Company in Austin TX:

Worker:  Hello?
Me: Yes, I have a complaint about some glass I just bought at your store
W: Yes?
M: It sort of broke.
W: How?
M: Well... a rock went through it
W: We're sorry about that but vandilazation is not covered in the 
   warranty.
M: I think its your fault.
W: How so?
M: Your salesman tole me it was really strong glass
W: And?
M: So when I threw the rock at it, I expected it not to break
W: What?!
M: Yeah your salesguy tole me I could do nearly anything to it
W: Who was you salesman?
M: It also broke when I threw my TV through it
W: Well... uh... sir I don't think any of our reps would tell you
   that...
M: Well he said it was better than average glass
W: Better than average doesn't mean it can take a rock!
M: He said it did
W: Sorry sir, but you just need to use some common sense
M: I did! I heard it was really strong glass, so I was just testing it!
W: Sir, its time to hang up now
M: He said it was like 'magic glass'.  He also said it was bulletproof,
   but trust me it isn't.
W: What's this guys name?
M: John
W: Nobody by that name works here...
M: Well he came to my house and said he worked for you
W: Reguardless, sir, you can't expect glass to be that strong!
M: Why?
W: Well... uh... its time for you to go now.  Use common sense next time

-CLICK-

hehehe

########################################################################

From: Jason Leane <hackboy@hotmail.com>

It's Jason, the guy who sent a text description a while back.  Although 
I'm on vacation right now (hence the different address), I just got the 
newsletter and felt moved to send some more descriptions.  Again, I 
apologize for the lack of sound files.  My friend (and the person I 
prank with) is visiting in 2 weeks, and we're going to get stoned and 
make some calls then :)  I'll send you the results.  So, without further
ado, here's a few more calls from the same day as the "Tax Evasion"
call.

"Coming Out"

["Sex change" would be more appropriate. -PC]
------------

(we called a lady who put something in the classified ads saying she was

a dressmaker-for-hire.  I had NO idea what I was going to say when I 
called, but I pretty soon figured out I'd have to have a damn good 
excuse for being a man...)

<brrrring>

Lady: Hello.

Me: Uh... hi, are you the dressmaker?

Lady: Uh... (chuckle) yeah.  What can I do for you?

Me: Well... I'd like a dress made for myself.

Lady: A dress... for you?  Uh...

Me: Yeah.  Well, it's an embarassing situation, but it has to be done.

Lady: What has to be done?

Me: Well, for awhile I've been having strange feelings about myself, and
    last week I decided I had to 'come out'.  So next week I'm going to
    be  going to work as my new, female self, and I have to dress for
    it.  I  didn't want to go into a store, I'm not quite ready for that

    yet.

Lady: So you're... a man?

Me: Only physically, dear.

Lady (after a pause): So what can I do?

Me: Well... make me a dress.  I haven't had 'the operation' yet, so 
    certain modifications have to be made.

Lady: I guess...  What kind of dress?

Me: Something lacy... feminine... and it has to 'hold in' the naughty 
    bits.

Lady (sounding angry): The naughty bits? I'm not sure I can help you.

Me: Please... nobody else would do this for me.  I think the problem 
    might lie in my large penis.

(at this point I was trying REALLY hard for a quick end to the call.  
The call of nature was slightly more urgent)

Lady: Your what?

Me: My large penis. I have trouble finding panties that will enclose my 
    large penis.

Lady: Shit, don't call here.  And you better be home alone because if 
      you hang up I'm going to call you right back. I have caller ID! 
      (triumphant sound in her voice)

Me: Really? Well maybe my large penis and I should skeedaddle!  
    Although... if you do call me back at this number, I promise I'll
    give it to you good.

Lady: Fuck this. (click)

----
I called back, asking for a dress to be made for my wife, in the EXACT 
same voice.  She goes apeshit on me, and then apologizes all to hell 
when I act shocked.
----

########################################################################

From: Jason Leane <hackboy@hotmail.com>

"Bingo"
-------

(I got the Yellow Pages, and did a quick spin through them.  I found a 
bingo hall in town, probably the only one.  Again, I had to (quickly) 
think up a reason to call a bingo hall while the phone was ringing)

<brrrring>

Guy: Hi, Dipshit Bingo Hall, Dave here.

Me: Hi, Dave... do you think you could do me a favor?

Guy: Uh... like what?

Me: Well, you see me and my partner (I was attempting to sound gay) and 
    some other friends are playing bingo here, and we have to pick some 
    numbers.  We don't have any dice...

Guy: So what's wrong?

Me: Well, since we're all playing, nobody could pick numbers without 
    picking them to their advantage.  So we were wondering if you could,
    you know, give us some numbers.

Guy: (laugh) Sure, how many?

Me: Seven hundred.

Guy: *seven* hundred?!?

Me: Yeah, I guess that's a little much. Okay, how about five.

Guy: That's better. Okay, here it is. 23, 17, 45, 22, 9.

Me: Okay, got it... we'll use those, and then we'll call you back when 
    we need more.

(I hang up before the guy has a chance to protest)
(I wait about 10 minutes, and call them again)

<brrrring>

Lady: Hi, Dipshit Bingo Hall, Nicky speaking.

(this pretty much blows the idea of getting more numbers, Dave's the 
only nice person there)

Me: Hi... I called Dave a while back, and he gave me and my associates 
    some bingo numbers.  Alright?

Lady: Uh... yeah.

Me: Well, we got some news for Davey.  I asked around, and nobody liked 
    those numbers.  Especially not Butch.  So, we want some more, and 
    for your own sake they'd better be good ones.

Lady: What the hell? Why do you need numbers from me?

Me: For a bingo game, genius! Why the fuck else would we call a bingo 
    hall?

Lady: I have to go.

Me: Yeah, do that, and bring me back some damn numbers! (laughing)

(click)

(I wanted to call back, but my friend pointed out that we were 
interfering with their bingo-related duties.  Foo.)

########################################################################

From: Jason Leane <hackboy@hotmail.com>

[This shows just how ridiculous the stereotypes of people who answer the
phone are. -PC]

"Sixty-Nine"
------------

(I saw an ad for a sign-making place in the paper (Cranbrook Daily 
Townsman, FYI) and realized the number "69" was in their address.  It 
was like an angel told me to prank them... It should be noted this call 
lasted 45 minutes, a personal record. This is all I remember.)

(Oh, BTW I used a slightly 'faggy' voice, but nothing he could pin 
down.)

<brrring>

Dude: Hi, Nutscratch Signs.

Me: Uh... hi, I need a sign made. 

Dude: Great, what kind?

Me:  Big.

Dude: Big?

Me: Big.

Dude: Okay, how big do you need it?

Me: About 6.9 feet high and 69 feet long.

Dude: (this is the only time in the call where he sounds like he knows 
it's a prank)  That's a big sign.

Me: I told you it was big.

Dude: (scribbling on some paper) Okay, so what do you want printed on 
      the sign? Just text?

Me: Well... I want the words "WILL TAKE IT DEEP" and then a phone 
    number.  And maybe a flower as well if there's space.

Dude: Uh... what's the sign for?

Me: My front lawn.

Dude: Whose phone number?

Me: Mine.  It's 426-6969 in case you ever want to call me.

(i swear he wrote it down)

Dude: Okay... so what color should the background be?

Me: Some pastel color. Something feminine.

Dude: Like peach?

Me: That'd be simply marvellous.

Dude: Okay... so what material should the sign be printed on?

Me:  (holding back the urge to say 'human flesh') Some kind of thin 
     wood.  I like wood.  Maybe it should be a little over half an inch 
     thick.

Dude: Let me guess, 0.69 inches?

Me: (slightly surprised) You got it girl!  You're catching on!

Dude: (laughing) Great. And how should it be held up?  You want it on 
      poles?

Me: I always want poles.  But about the sign, just fix me up with some 
    hard steel tubing.

Dude: (really trying not to laugh) So, what are you looking to pay for 
      this?

Me: Whatever you want me to pay. I'm at your mercy.

Dude: (chuckle) Well, how many of these signs would you like printed?  
      For your lawn, you said?

Me: How about 69 signs.  I have a big lawn.  

Dude: That's quite a lot.  I'll be a few minutes working that out.  
      Wanna hold?

Me: Can you transfer me to the receptionist? I'd like to talk to her.

Dude: I guess.

(clunk-kachunk sound of an ancient PBX)

(I talked with the receptionist for 10 minutes.  Inane stuff, mostly the
weather.)

(clunk-kachunked back to the dude)

Dude:  Okay, I have the price.  That's be about $16,000.  That's quite a
       lot.

Me: Money is no object.  That price worries me though.  Could you make 
    it $16969?  Consider the rest a tip.

Dude: I can add 69 cents if you want.

Me: Peachy. I'm getting to like you... maybe we should go out some time,
we'd rock the house.

Dude: Yeah, maybe.  Anyways, why don't you come down to the office and 
we can make the final arrangements?

Me: I'll be down in two shakes.  Wait for me, babe.

Dude: I will.

(click)

This one was my all-time favorite.  My friend and his brother were 
listening on the extension, and laughing their asses off.  I swear if I 
said "sixty-nine" one more time he would have ruptured himself.  
Needless to say, I never went down to the store.  I did call 426-6969 
though, and it wasn't in service.  Oh well.  It sounded like it put a 
little joy in his day.  And in mine.

It should be noted that I don't have anything against gay people, even 
though most of my calls involve 'that voice'.  I don't do it out of 
disrespect for gay people, I do it because of the reactions it gets.

########################################################################

From: Seedy Rom <ryan@allgroup.com>

Awesome fake police call

This was done by a co-worker of mine and i SERIOUSLY doubt it's 
been done before, probably not to this extent. I work for a
computer networking company and nearly once a week we get a call
on our line 4 line. We know it's a wrong number if that line rings 
FIRST with no other lines in use. In fact about 90% of the calls
come from a Pasadena local newspaper that calls saying "would
your company like a subscription?" etc. Apparently some lines 
are crossed (much to our delight). For months we've been saying
odd things but this time it went beyond words.

NP: newspaper
ACG: my co-worker

brrrrrrrrrrring
ACG: FBI

NP: excuse me?

ACG: how did you get this number? this is a private line.

NP: wait, i'm calling from... 

(cutting her off) ACG: HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER? DO NOT HANG
UP! <pretends to whisper "trace em" to another person JUST loud enough
that she can hear it>

NP: <nervous chatter, asking someone near her what to do>

----Note: since we knew this place ALWAYS called us and we also 
knew they were down the street, we had their address written down.
Somehow i think my co-worker had been planning this for a while :)

ACG: <mumbles> "got it...123 Main st." (not giving the real
address) "I want you to stay where you are, we are sending out
a black and white to secure your area. They will be there shortly.
What is your name?"

NP: Jane Doe (also protecting..) umm, i havent done anthing, 
Talk to my supervisor, i got the number off a list (etc etc)

(interrupts) ACG: "dammit i don't have time for this, you sit
your ass down and you can explain when our unit arrives." 
(if she had half a brain she woulda a)hung up b) realized why
would the FBI send out LAPD?)

NP: (freaking out to supervisor/co-worker)
<we hang up>

Now the fun part,
>From a cellphone we called the Pasadena police and reported
a homeless man going nuts outside their offices. We had our 
secretary pretend to be Jane Doe and she gave her name so that
when the police arrived they asked for the woman we were 
torturing. The operator didn't ask anything specific and just 
"sent out a unit". We didn't go down there to look and we never
knew for SURE if a cop went by until 2 weeks later (maybe 3) when
they became a client of ours and they were STILL talking about it 
down there when I went down to survey their computers...
a bit delayed, but we were rolling on the floor when we found out.

########################################################################

From: MadDog <l39671@alfa.ist.utl.pt>

Do I Have Any Messages Call

Hi there :
{First i am sorry for any mistakes in inglish ! i am from Portugal and i
may have done some mistakes!}

This are 2 Phone calls I made With 3 school friends of mine back in
1996, and even now I cant help myself cry evertime i tell it ! here it
goes: ( we were specially inspired that day ! )

1: - Call  ( WE went to the phone book and DRAW a name )

* RING *
Man > Alo there ? who,s calling ?
Me > Hi could I speak to John ?
Man > There is no one named John here you must have the wrong number !
Me> Ohh I am sorry! bye !
* HANGUP * 
*Dial the same number*
*RING*

Man> Alo ?
My friend #1> Alo, could I speak to John ?
Man> There is no John here ? you must have the wrong number !

* HANGUP * 
*Dial the same number*
*RING*

Man> Alo ?
My friend #2> Alo, Is  John There ?
Man> There is no John here, you are not the first to call you know but
     no john leaves here !! you must have the wrong number !
My friend #2> I am terrible sorry !0
* HANGUP * 

{NOTE : By this time we thought the guy must be a saint !!! or plain
Dumb so we called once again!}

*Dial the same number*
*RING  x  5*

Man > Alo ?
Me > Hi there my name is john, please did anyone left a message for me ?
Man>Haaa....???
{Silence for about 7 seconds )
Then we all started to laught , INCLUDED the MAN that congratulate me
and sad goodbye !!!

########################################################################

From: MadDog <l39671@alfa.ist.utl.pt>

Butcher Shop

2: Call ( latter in the afternoon )

We Went to the phonebook and draw a random butcher shop phone ..

*Dial the number*
*RING*
Butcher> Alo ? This is xxxxxx butcher shop . ( I dont remeber the name
         sorry )
ME> Alo there i am phoning to ask if you have sausages ?
Butcher> Yes we have sir!
Me> Are they fresh ??
Butcher>Yes they are arrives today !!!
Me> well then stick them in you ass!
*I Hangup*

{3 minutes delay }

*Dial the number*
*RING*
Butcher> Alo ? This is xxxxxx butcher shop . 
ME> Alo there i am phoning to ask if you have sausages ?
Butcher> Yes we have sir!
Me> Are they fresh ??
Butcher>Yes they are. ( Sounding suspicious )
Me> well then stick them in you ass!
*I Hangup*

{ no Delay }

*Dial the number*
*RING*
Butcher> Alo ? WHO IS THERE ??
FRIEND #1> Alo there sir I want to apologise, My name is Mr Smith and I
           just got home and cought my son making prank Calls and he
           told me the all story.
Butcher> Well... ( Happy as can be !!! ) i have a son to, never mind, it
         wasn't that mutch problem 
Me> Well i am sorry anyway,  RICHARD come here and apologige to this man
Butcher>Yes they are.
Butcher>Never mind sir no need.....
Me> Just a moment...
{ I gave the phone yo my FRIEND#1 }
friend#1> I am sorry Sir
Butcher>You should not do that, you are wasting my time bla bla bla bla
friend#1> here Dad I asked already can i go ! ...
Me> Well i am terrible sorry, by the way are your sausages fresh ?
Butcher>Yes sir indeed they are !!!
Me> Then stick them in you ASS !!!
*I Hangup*

########################################################################

From: john jones <pat429@webtv.net>

Quick Burger Call

i called jack and the box they said hello i said  im calling to say my
brother ate one of your burgers and hes dead they said how sad  then i
acted like i was chocking and the said sir whats wrong they wspered were
in deep shit now i hit the grond  and hung up

########################################################################

From: apu shirely <pat429@webtv.net>

Quick Hot Dog Call

Call up a hotdogplace when hey anwser go did you use dog meat or someones
dick because my dog is gone and i lost my dick

########################################################################

From: Victor Mclean <dabramsky@alum.MIT.EDU>

Calling From Women's Day Magazine


Hello, I am from Women's Day Magazine (If a man answers)
Hello, I am from PLAYBOY MAGAZINE (if woman answers)
and we are responding to a survey that was filled out by your *spouse*,
yes, the information was incunclusive for our statistics and we wanted
to verify the information.  Your *spouse* filled out the following
catagories
- STABILITY OF SEX LIFE
- PET PEVES
- TURN ONS
- TURN OFFS

(Under each, say what the spouse filled out)

1) (male) Your wife claims that your sex life is on the down fall
because of compatability of genitalia, she clearly stated that your
penis is too small for any form of pleasure.

(Female) You husband claims that he doesn't enjoy sex with you as much
as he did when you first got married because your hygene is on the
decline and your aroma assaults his sense of smell.

2) (pick something like whiney voice, or say that her flabby arms and
sweaty genitals bother them)

3) spouse enjoys dirty underpants and hairy nipples, Bubbley noses and
high forheads also enjoys it when spouse deficates where they sleep


4) (Male) Small breasts, (when my old lady turns off the football game)
less beer, more wife.
   (female) Less beer, more husband, football game interupted by ungly
anchorman (she likes the good looking one that appears on saturdays)