Above:
Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa Laa, & Po
Teletubby Fact Sheet
Country of Origin |
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The United Kingdom.
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Occupation |
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Television stars.
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Claim to Fame |
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They're the stars of the TV show that makes Barney look like Masterpiece
Theater. Originally designed for toddlers, the show has a cult following amongst the Chemically Challenged crowd. Housewives find the show offensive, siting that it's an insult their intelligence. This makes quite a statement coming from the demographic responsible for such TV gems as Oprah, Springer, and Richard Bey. |
Their Alleged
Ring Leader:
The Sun Baby Thingy
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Obviously an allusion to the Egyptian sun god Ra. The Tubbies, as they are affectionately referred to by fans, make reference to all sorts of unrelated elements of Western Civilization. Masters of Surrealism, indeed. |
Teletubbies Arrested on Drug Charges
Dateline New York -- Most New Yorkers think they have seen it all, but few things in the Big Apple could compare to the seen early this morning at JFK airport.
The Teletubbies, the latest "fab-four" from England, were arrested today as they arrived at New York's JFK Airport to promote their experimental surrealist kids TV show. US Customs agents reportedly seized 10 lbs. of marijuana and heroin from Tinky Winky's handbag. Additionally, their luggage contained all sorts of drug paraphernalia
"And then All Hell Broke Lose..""As they were going through customs, they seemed a tad nervous. Customs Officials must have been suspicious, so they brought out the drug-sniffing dogs," said one eye witness, "and then all hell broke loose." When the drug dogs reacted to Tinky Winky's handbag and Customs Officials demanded to inspect it onlookers were then treated to an impromptu episode of the Teletubbies self-titled TV show, which involves a lot of running around and yelling. |
 Above: Po, the "Red One" during a DWI arrest last month in France. |
"The red one [Po] just screamed 'Uh-oh!' and kicked one of the security guards in the groin, while the others pushed their way through the crowd." said another eye witness to spectacle. He continued, "They over took the security guards pretty quickly and then scattered into different directions."
It was then that airport wide search had begun: Planes were grounded and the area was sealed off. Tinky Winky and the others were nowhere in sight.
Airport police continually broadcasted messages over the PA system, "Where have the Teletubbies gone?"
Eventually, they were captured while standing in front of a gift shop staring aimlessly at a toy pinwheel. Although they offered little resistance, they were handled rather roughly by the police, onlookers said.
A spokesman for the NYPD denies the allegations.
Instead, he commented that "It was only when this weird Sun Baby thing appeared in the sky did they calm down. Prior to that , our officers execised necessary force against the assailants."
Fans, Young and Old, Enraged
Enraged fans from around the world, are speechless. Cory Johnson, a 3 year old from Jersey City, burst into tears on the spot. "They're beating up the Teletubbies!"
Chemically-dependent college students, the Teletubbies real target audience. plan to protest in front of City Hall sometime this week.
Said one student, "Man, they only went to the Pinwheel for guidance, man. The pigs had no right to arrest them while they were communing with it!"