Above: Louise Woodward at her first trial. A bored & disenfranchised public servant looks on.
Shake It Baby!Source say that she's been offered several job & media opportunities from the usual to the bizzare. Large media firms offered to buy her story in the hopes of turning it into a Made-for-TV Movie, starring Alyssa Milano & Joan Collins. Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates offered to buy her home country, England, siting that "he always wanted to own an European country." Scrape Magazine offered her money to assasinate the Dancing Baby, siting that "he [the dancing baby] is a blight on our collective consciousness and must be stopped at all costs." Puff Daddy offered her a chance to sing backup on his re-mix of the 80's hit "Shake It Up" by the Cars..
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Louise Woodward Offered
Internship at the White House
Dateline Washington Today the White House formally announced that they would like to hire on Louise Woodward as part of the White House Intern Program.
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"The President has in mind several positions for Miss Woodward." said an imaginary spokeperson. He continued, "Now that Monica is gone, he wants another chubby college age girl to fondle -er I mean be fond of." |
![[ Fried Shrimp, Shrimp Cocktail, Shrimp Suffle...]](../gfx/clinton_thinking.jpg) President Clinton ponders the possibilities. |
Her Name To Blame?
Washington pundits are ecstatic over this offer, as the first syllable of Miss Woodward's last name happens to be a slang term for the male genatalia.
Self-appointed Media critics warn of a possible avalanche of related jokes. Jay Leno, according to sources, has written about a month's worth of monologue material based on this news alone.
David Lettermen's people are also collating about several weeks worth of material on this as well.
Miss Woodward has no comment at this time.